Letter to my Year 6 Self by Simon James Green

Posted on 12 October 2021

OK, you’re ten years old at this point because your birthday isn’t until July and you’re already convinced secondary school in September is going to be a NIGHTMARE because you’re one of the youngest and weakest (physically, that is, you’re an intellectual giant, obvs), and they’re the ones they always pick off first. But I’m here to tell you DO NOT WORRY it’ll all be fine. Here are the key points:

The staircase at the back of the humanities block is NOT haunted by the ghost of Lady Nettleship, you will never see this ‘ghost’, and there is no point being scared every day between the start of Year 7 and the end of Year 13.

Mr Boyd, the maths teacher, who is nicknamed ‘Drac’ by the older students, is NOT an actual vampire. Fact: they don’t generally allow vampires to be teachers. Also, he’s actually really nice and has done nothing to deserve this reputation.

You don’t have PE timetabled on your first day of Year 7, so you don’t need to stuff your bag with your football, rugby, gym, and cricket kit, plus towel and various boots and trainers, making it weigh more than you do.

You will go through a phase of taking coffee to school in a Thermos flask. This is a really bad idea, will mark you out as a nerd, and the flask will get broken when Matthew Parker throws your bag across the room making you cry in front of your French teacher, marking you out as even more of a nerd because who cries about a Thermos flask? Just ditch the coffee.

There are loads of brilliant clubs to join. Get involved with drama sooner than Year 9, because you’ll love it and you’ll find your people there (and we both know you love the limelight).

When you join the school newspaper as an eager, young reporter, think carefully before you write that article describing the school carol concert as a ‘farce’. A lot of people are going to be very upset and angry with you.

You don’t really feel like you fit in at primary school, but you’re going to find some really great friends at secondary and despite all your fears, you’re going to have a really good time. Oh. You’ll be asked to do the high jump at sports day in Year 8. You need to get out of it and fake illness. Trust me on that.
Yours sincerely, Grown Up Simon

Sleepover Takeover by Simon James Green is out now!